Book Review: Natural Harvest – A collection of semen-based recipes

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Natural Harvest Cookbook

If you were to ever judge a book by its cover, this one would definitely not be that one.  At first glance it looks like just another specialty recipe book, that is until you notice the words “semen-based”.  Semen, or spunk, cum, jism, sperm, man sauce, or whatever you prefer to call it, is the signature ingredient for all of the recipes in this book.

Your first reaction might easily be that this is some sort of sick joke.  Well, it isn’t.  It is a very honest and  forthright attempt to shine a positive light on using human semen as a legitimate cooking ingredient.  If this sounds repulsive to you, then first of all you are on the wrong website, and second, you should keep an open mind and read more about what semen is really made of.  Gram for gram, it is actually very nutritious.

The book is very professionally illustrated, as you would find in any high quality book of recipes.  There is no titillation, and the author presents the material in a very respectable and serious manner.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a palatable texture and wonderful cooking properties.  Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic.

Strawberry Splasharita, from Natural Harvest

The author, Paul Photenhauer, provides several tips on semen storage, how to best affect the taste and volume of semen, as well as how to best use semen for cooking.  Any guy can just ejaculate on a meal, but Photenhauer has provided ways of moving beyond the sexually gratifying aspects of semen and found ways to utilize it as a culinary art form.  Many of the recipes are equal in both taste and visual appeal.  Several, such as the Strawberry Splasharita, are both visually shocking, and yet provide a libido stimulating tinge of excitement that holds the mind’s eye firmly in place while the drink is slowly consumed.

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen.

The book includes many recipes worth having, regardless of the main semen ingredient.  The only real drawback is that there are only about 25 or so recipes spread over the 61 page book.  And since many of the recipes require more semen and is humanly possible to produce in a single ejaculation, it either requires more than one cook in the kitchen, or planning ahead.  Fortunately storing semen for future use is not very complicated, especially with products such as Dressing-2-Go available.

One recipe worth trying is the Spunky Candied Pecans dessert recipe.  I would cut the sugar in half to make a nice, tasty, share-able treat you can take anywhere.  Note, the author does stress making sure not  to share with anyone unsuspecting.  That would just be rude, and impolite, though nobody would be the wiser if they didn’t know since the semen taste is subtle at best.

One thing is for certain with this book, be careful if you leave it out in the open, especially if you are hosting a dinner party.  This book could also make a good gag gift for a newlywed couple.

If you own a copy of this book, please share your opinions and let us know which recipes you’ve tried, enjoyed, not so enjoyed, etc.  You can purchase Natural Harvest here from  You’ll find some other reviews, both positive and negative, of this book here:

Finally, here is a video review from Comedy Central’s Tosh.O:—natural-harvest



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